He pauses, carefully, to give the question its appropriate weight and his answer the right amount of consideration.

"I suppose," he says slowly, "that that was when I got closest to not thinking at all. To wanting" (the complete control they were pretending he had) "to just let go and stop worrying and just enjoy myself. Those were the times when it would have been easiest to do that, when I could have scared you into cooperating for real."

Or broken him into it.